A personal taste of Nelson de Gouveia

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Going Offline – Day 23: All this open space…

in Life by
outside is real


So what has happened since my deep and tearful goodbye from the virtuous existence of cyber-stalking my nephews and former loves?
Nothing…nothing’s happened.
But I can tell you I feel less than interested about returning to the site on a regular basis to read about what sort of pancake mc-enema someone’s had two weeks ago on the coast of Costa Da Whateva with their moronic brood of inter-spacial Martian children hanging from their steel-girdered nipples conversing in an unintelligible language consisting of clicks and farts.
Seriously, I am.
Yesterday, you may not believe this…but as I walked outside the place I live in, I actually…ok, you’ll be shocked…I, totally, said hello to a stranger. Would you believe that, a complete stranger, someone I had never met, outside my abode, my safe place previously reserved by me to sit in front of my Dell screen clicking on status updates while eating cookies (not biscuits)…and I said yes to them.
I may be writing this sarcastically, but in reality I was more concerned now with what someone has going on around them at that very moment, which are the real moments we keep losing out on every day sitting in front of our electronic communications devices. I betcha Kirk didn’t envisage that when we was strutting through the decks of the Enterprise trying to out-strut Spock.
Which is f***ing insane…Spock’s struts are legendary, even his people turn an eyebrow.
Anyway, I’m glad I’m not on there. And so far, I’m enjoying it. Here’s some recommendations:
  • www.tedisreal.com – A funny movie coming out in August with Mark Walhberg and Mila Kunis, and a VERY rude teddy-bear voiced by Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane
  • Game of Thrones is back for a second season, and the first two episodes have been gloriously evil and deliciously dirty with a hint of medieval fantasy. Find it.
  • Community is midway on it’s third season with a turbulent war in the making between Troy and Abed. You can’t miss the best friendship group I’ve never been in myself, duh!
  • Pancakes….just simply pancakes, there’s not enough of ’em and there’s nowhere enough around me to enjoy.

Peace out, lovely amigos, I’m working tonight at the Painted Grin show in Benny’s Bar, come down and enjoy!

Going Offline – Day 1: Deleting my addiction

in Life by
goodbye facebook addiction

You know you’re truly alone in the universe when you begin to comprehend the vastness of outer space, the endless, unyielding vacuum that goes on and on and on for billions upon trillions of light years AND beyond, with wonders never before seen, and if you’re reading this, you never will either. Because you have an addiction.

Similarly, you’re truly alone when you delete your Facebook account settings off your universal chat program you’ve used to incorporate all your contacts together, to find only 7-8 people you used to chat to on MSN, Yahoo, Google and various others.

Yes…I’ve deleted my Facebook account.

I haven’t deactivated it, and I could’ve just shut it down and never use it for AGES, and you’ll come back to people having sent you messages like, “Where are you, what you been up to?” Etcetera.

No, I’ve DELETED my Facebook account.

Wiped. Clean.


Because I have an addictive personality to all things technological, always have. As a kid I took things apart and tried to put them back together. I learnt soldering techniques from my Uncle when his business was working arcade machines, and he would slave over the gameboards making sure the transistors that came loose thanks to some punk kid shaking the cabinet.

I would watch as he would melt thin, weak metal to make sure two wires would conduct, then connect it all up.

Facebook, however, is FAR from technological. Facebook is a social nightmare.

In addition to my addictive personality, I’m a little cowering worm in social circles. I compare myself daily to everyone that I pass on the street, let alone the people I judge to be my peers doing better than me, working harder than me, feeling happier, wonderful, amazing, excited, jubilant.

And I sit at home, without a job, realising that while I watched as everyone lived their lives, I wasn’t.

Sure, you’ve seen me around hanging out, making the odd joke here and there, having a drink or two there, maybe working on a project with friends now and again. but all the time, whenever there was a moment, I would “check my Facebook” to see what the most exciting thing is today without contributing much to it myself.

I am a social pariah, yet Facebook was still my only “in”.

No more. The people that matter to me have my number should they want to reach me and vice versa, my family have Skype (and heaven help me, soon I’ll be with them so won’t even need that), and emails galore.

I’m done with Facebook.

I don’t want to virtually compare myself to other people anymore, it’s just too draining. And to be honest, I ahve to admit that it cost me a career in my chosen field. People that wanted to trust me couldn’t because they couldn’t depend on me whether I was working for them or online seeing what “thingy-thingy is doing with their family”. To all my former colleagues, I apologise.

I’d prefer to just understand that, in this life…I’m alone.

Sorry, I know this is a depressing blog post but I am really fed up, so my relationship with Facebook is over.

Cigarettes, you’re next.

Discovering a forgotten email…

in Life by
forgotten email

Like Nazi gold, an undiscovered Da Vinci or a ยฃ5 note in your pocket, I get the same elation out of coming across an email I had either a. forgotten or b. totally missed out, or even c. discovering the details of a previous email account you hardly used, only to find dozens if not hundreds of messages from former acquaintences long forgotten trying to reach you.

Just the other day, I was clearing out my Facebook messages from people trying to reach me (yeah, cos I is so popular, psh) but it’s true, I was, honest, truth be told.

And what do you know? There’s a “other” section I had never noticed.

This small treasure trove contained a dozen or so little tiny pleas for attention from people I hardly remembered or forgotten about, some I hardly know or others that aren’t even on my Facebook friends list. It was quite sweet to even find someone famous emailing me in November about hooking up, and the feeling in my gut to hastely reply to let them know I’m pretty much alive, well and eager to meet for cake and ideas.

That makes me feel geniunely guilty of being obsessive with attention myself. I do enjoy communicating with others, but the thought of a small, tiny little message lost in the ether of the digital world waiting for me to find it, like lost treasure or a message in a bottle floating towards me from an island far, far away, inhabited by a lonely and pathetic man with a big beard (with exception, a Turkish woman with a beard), excites me somehow. I get put into action, having to respond as quickly as possible, writing a little note of acknowledgement that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK, I AM SORRY I DIDN’T RESPOND BEFORE BUT NOW HERE I AM, WE CAN CHAT, TALK TO ME, DON’T GIVE UP!!

So have a gander, people, check your “other” section under Messages (just click on the Message line and it will appear below it), you might find some gold you didn’t realise you had. ๐Ÿ™‚

I generally don’t write anymore…

in Life by
I need to write more

…and I’m sick for doing so. If not to bicker and wail with my garofalo, it’s mainly me waiting on Facebook trying to pick up new gossip about the open-mic comedy. What am I, a girl???????

Face it, though, you pick up gossip in the prospect you meet someone you enjoy standing next to, and the only way to strike up a semi-decent conversation is to ask, “Have you heard the latest about the ongoing saga between such and such?”, which then leads to over-exasperated opinions about God, the devil and that curious fellow standing by the back of the bar wondering how far down he can stick his nose into his glass while trying to be inconspicuous…and failing.

So after ready through bits from my former tutor in college, Chris McEvoy, I’m taking 2 minutes out of my minutae hell to plod along with whatever comes into my head, and today’s topic is………………..the haha of funny comedy.

I intend to run the Camden portal of the Laughing Horse series of shows from this week onwards, either in a administrative or hosting capacity…not to make the dosh but to learn and develop a small function room into a fantastic 2 hour show of cacophonic comedy, loose laughter and merry mirth for punters new and regular to enjoy.

I even had a idea with Lost Prophets and a pair of flashlights to make a grand entrance……..wonder if it’d work? ๐Ÿ™‚

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