Just discovered Lili Radloff’s “9 things you learn when you live alone“, a wonderful list of little things you do when you’re alone in your abode. I like it, it’s a wonderful piece featuring things she does which we relate to, etcetera, blah blah blah.
But my 9 things are a little different:
1. You tend to walk in after a long day at work, sit down in front of your desk, and realise…you have no internet. So you eat yoghurt and stare at the wall.
2. You switch off the geyser during the day because there’s no one there…and forget to switch it on in the morning after being awake for an hour watching your favourite TV show you enjoy to forget why you’re even there.
3. Your meals, that you make while naked, are increasingly simple and quick to make.
4. You forget to sleep on your own bed, with the couch increasingly convenient in front of the TV.
5. You knock on your neighbour’s door to ask for toilet paper, feeling awkward as you had to wait for them to stop shouting.
6. The sounds of birds, cars, trains and anything else becomes ambience towards your descent into insanity.
7. You’re scared of inviting friends over because you’re the one that’ll have to say, “Right, time for you guys to f*** off!”
8. After getting all the essentials you need, decorating seems to be as necessary as going to the gym…who are you REALLY doing it for?
9. You forget about point 8 and buy stupid things that don’t really fit, but individually you love looking at it.
Other things that didn’t make the list are:
– A bar fridge is fine for a while
– You feel something’s missing when you finish your last bottle of beer
– Half a bottle of cheap red plonk looks great next to the couch where you slept on the night before watching the latest Blockbuster you downloaded from your mom’s house
– Laundry is done in another person’s flat since they’re offering the service for R45 per load, and you feel no shame a stranger handles your skidmarks