Check out our latest little comedy short-film:
TITLE: Driving Test
TAGLINE: A Driving Instructor struggles to teach a student the basics.
CAST: Joe Emilio, Nelson de Gouveia, Cara Ruthernberg
Let’s set the scene; I pick up my friend from a section of Voortrekker Road in Bellville and head up to Durbanville to the Meraki Bar.
We both enter, greet the door lady stating we’re comedians, then we head to the bar, order a few drinks, share a box of cigarettes and look over our notes.
“You think people will show up?” I ask.
“Are you kidding? It’s Meraki.” he retorts, before taking a drag, blow smoke up in the air and looks down at his notes.
The promoter ambles by. “Hey guys, we’re ready for tonight’s show?”
We look over into the venue and see the one table occupied by some “youths” cracking jokes in Afrikaans. “Yeah, we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.”
But the point of this story is not what you think. More
I breach the subject of “have you ever seen Star Trek” with random people in my life, both close and acquaintal, and the response is usually the same:
Dude, Star Wars is so much better.
A formidable response, which I oppose but only to equalise the playing field. I myself don’t consider Star Trek better, just that it’s as good. It’s not a space opera, it’s a slow burner. It has more technical know-how but examines the human condition more careful along with actual space battles.
Destroying the Death Star? You’re missing out on the Federation taking out the Dominion in DS9, now THAT was a battle.
I have found though that I can shock people with some nerve-wracking similarities between Star Wars and Star Trek, but in true Nelson fashion I take it one step further by including everyone’s favourite topic…
Let me reveal the reasons why: More
Once in a while, the business acumen side of my culture (Portuguese, that is) rages like a solar flare due to some indescrepancy in the force, and I’m willing to bet that it harbours no one any mind, but it’s my anger and I can rage if I want to.
I arrived at work Monday and found our in-house deli came up with the following gold mine:
– Main meal: Bolognaise Sauce – R33
– Side: Spaghetti – R5
That’s right. I can order bolognaise sauce a paltry R33.
But, if I wish to make a spaghetti bolognaise meal, I would have to fork out an extra R5.
And let me tell you how I felt… More
A friend I work with has started dating a woman I have feelings for, they are both unaware of my feelings towards her and I want to keep it that way. I am in a relationship and I love my girlfriend but it still bothers me. They wouldn’t have become acquainted if not for me so I feel doubly stupid. I can only distance myself so much because we work together. He’s a nice guy but constantly talking about it and asking for advice, it would be great if I could just get him to shut up about it.
Here is what this ‘supposed’ psychologist has as an answer:
You are in a relationship with a woman you say you love. How, then, do you feel justified in continuing this secret concern for the other woman, such that you begrudge her a friendship and maybe deeper relationship with someone you know, as a friend, to be a good guy ? Isn’t that what you should want for her ? Or is she on your reserve list, someone to switch to if something goes wrong with your current relationship ? What was “stupid” about having introduced a pair of friends who are apparently happy together ? There’s a rich irony in him asking you for advice on wooing her. It reminds me of the famous French story by Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac, splendidly filmed in 1990 with Gerard Depardieu and well worth watching : Cyrano, is deeply romantic but has an enormous nose, which people mock him for, so he feels inadequate and dares not approach the lovely young lady he deeply loves. Then he is approached by a handsome but rather dim young friend, who has fallen in love with the same woman, and wants help in wooing her. So Cyrano stands in the shadows, whispering marvelous messages of love for his friend to say loudly to the lady standing in her window above. And in agonies as his words bring her to love his friend, and not himself. Look it up, it may be instructive
My response to this shitty CyberShrink”Agony Aunt Advice” column which I’ve sent, and waiting to see if it goes live…
In my previous job, I got embarrassed by a work colleague over my use of the English language while I was trying to explain my assistance with a problem the whole company was having.
Right there, I just felt like a kid again.
In my defense, I suffer from the same type of stigma that most do: when you’re in the company of people you place your trust in, in most occasions you fall back on the most comfortable form of speech that is only understood by those who work close to you. This is relevantly a form of trust you impose on the other, and in most occasions when you’re being asked to be clearer, it’s only that their brain isn’t switched on either and they’d like to continue on with the conversation, whereupon you acknowledge it and rev the engine up to get to the destination.
But in that very moment where this person had cleverly nitpicked at my flaw and exposed it to others who laughed at my embarrassment, I felt so small and useless that my instant reaction was to hold my hands up and walk away.
I read a lovely piece on W24 entitled “Tinder Decoder: Does he want to date you or just sleep with you?“, a wonderful example of literature lifted entirely from a Grade 10 student’s essay book, the kind that sits forever under that dusty DVD copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” after you’ve watched it with your ex-boyfriend.
I enjoyed it, and the first line caught my eye so:
“Okay, let’s face it, the majority of Tinder users are on the app for one reason and one reason only – to get laid!”
And yes, the little man brandishing his gnarled stick at the sun inside me began to cry havoc and stomp his feet, as I reacted angrily to how double-sided this article was. It’s all just the men, she says, it’s just them that do it, she says, men on Tinder want to fuck women and that’s all they’re there for. Meanwhile, the soft-padded little man inside waited patiently before reminding me:
“She’s right, and you know it. But the other side of the cake has the same frosting.”
So, in the interests of fair play, I’ve come up with a similar list of common traits I’ve found women to have on Tinder:
When approaching projects in my employment, I put forth a variety of business practices that ensure I manage them on time and to budget within cost agreed to with clients and get them the product they require. But when it comes to stand-up comedy, I’m as guilty as anybody of treating it like any other hobby; whenever I get to it.
As it turns out, professional stand-ups have to treat their work like any other work: just like a business.
So, without further ado, here’s the top ten practices I’ve learnt in business that I, as an aspiring stand-up comic, would apply: More